What can I say about Mother's Day? It started out with us being late to church, as usual. Got to sit in the back back, in the clangy, metal chairs. But, overall we had a pleasant time at church. After we got home, it happened...I started feeling bummed out. Why?! This is *my* day! I should be happy! But, for many years now Mother's Day & I have not had the best relationship.
First, it was because every Mother's Day was a reminder of the children I was NOT having. The smiling, singing Primary children and the gifts and the talks & lessons on the joys of motherhood felt like knives being twisted in my heart. Why was I not receiving these blessings?! I'm doing everything I can to live the gospel, and yet people who dump their babies in dumpsters are able to conceive when I cannot. Did I do something wrong? Would I really be that bad of a mother that I can't be trusted with just one little bundle of joy?
Then, after we were blessed to have children enter our home (in triplicate, no less), my feelings on Mother's Day changed. Only now, rather than feeling sadness over my childlessness, I foolishly tend to use the holiday to reflect on my inadequacies as a mother. When my children are the youth speakers, will they be able to truthfully say they had a wonderful mother? Or will they find themselves wishing things had been different? There are so many ways in which I want to be a better mother. The list is long & depressing. How do you focus on *one* thing on the list to work on, when they are all so important? These children are young and impressionable. We are only given a short time to do the best we can, teach them the things they need to know to survive in this crazy world and train them up in the ways of the Lord. What if I lose my window? What if they are ruined for life? Please tell me you have felt this way before. Or, am I just insane?
Needless to say, with these thoughts swimming around in my head I was not in the peachiest mood. But, the kids found a way to help cheer me up. They wrapped themselves in blankets as "presents" and told Daddy to hand them to me to open. (They did this around Christmas time, too. See the post here.) Seeing their excitement and the happy smiles on their faces helped me to feel better. Then Scott and I had a long talk about how I was feeling, and that helped cheer me up, too.
Later that evening, Scott made a special Mother's Day dinner, complete with steak, baked potatoes, corn on the cob, broccoli and strawberry shortcake for dessert. The steak was *so* tender, you barely had to chew it. It just melted in your mouth. Mmmmmm.....
Then it was time to open gifts. This is the best picture I could get with the kids. Ha!
I got a little massager thingy. I was getting the kids with it, and they were cracking up. Oh, and disregard the fact that I look like a total gomer in this picture. You heard right... a GOMER! (this one's for you, Jodi)
I also got a couple of books. One is about crafts with ribbon, and the other is about home organizing. Now, before you start having "Father of the Bride" flashbacks, let me just say that everytime I go to a bookstore or surf Amazon.com I tell Scott all about some organizing book I just have to have. Organizing is *so* hard for me. So, it really was a thoughtful gift. It was funny, though, because before I opened it, Scott kept saying, "This isn't a Mother's Day gift. It's just a gift, and I wanted you to have it, and today happens to be Mother's Day when you get it." He was afraid I would be offended if I was given a book like that for Mother's Day. What a funny boy.
I hope you all had a smashing Mother's Day. Being a mommy is hard work, but I know that all you moms out there who read my blog are great at it. Don't beat yourself up or let Satan make you feel inadequate or unworthy. "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent"--that includes Mr. Doom-and-Gloom!!